Restaurant's Outdoor Stereo System

On the outdoor patio of an unnamed, (supposedly) high end Mehadrin restaurant in Yerushalayim.

Classy, guys. Real classy.

Five Shockers for Bochurim to do in Restaurants

The below list contains some obvious actions/habits that average Bochurim lack.

When performed, for some odd reason, the waiter/waitress inevitably stares.

Apparently Bochurim or Yeshiva Guys just don't do these things...

Any habits left out welcomed.

-Fire off the French/Italian words on the menu without stuttering. Knowing what the words actually mean is even more impressive. Extra points for proper pronunciation.

-Understanding that the entree is the main course, not the appetizer. For some odd reason, almost all Bochurim have this one confused. And if you aren't sure, don't make a fool of yourself and all other Bochurim by pretending to know and incorrectly announcing that you'd "like the Soup du Jour-Jours are mushrooms, right?" for your entree.

-Coherently yet softly thank the server when he/she brings/clears table items. Looking at the waitress is not necessary- "Kavod Habrios is just pretend". BONUS POINTS: Anyone who can identify the above lyric's source album.

-Possess the class to switch your mobile/kosher phone to vibrate. This ain't shul, and while people aren't attempting to communicate with G-d, they are trying to communicate with others. Bear in mind that not everyone is acclimated to the successful exchange of ideas in a room with hundreds of simultaneously screaming voices.

-This is the biggie. Tipping like a mentsch. You're guaranteed to provoke a full on did-you-just-arrive-from-planet-nonBochur if you do this. Increase the the tip to something in the normal range (10-15%) and you're assured longevity in your server's mental book of standout patrons. Tip somewhere in the normal range for America (18-20%), and you've secured for yourself a plaque on the wall of the restaurant.

With regards to lack of the above behaviors in my worthy peers, I only have one thing to say...As Twain said "Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed." But for those chevra, I wouldn't have a loyal coterie of servers jumping to my every command at my favorite places. Of course, I exaggerate. But only slightly.